Catholicsingles.com
Well, someone was clearly having a slow day. After announcing in the morning that, following the lead of Will.I.Am, we were now to address him as Dan.I.El, the Only Gay in the Office had taken it upon himself to sort out my (admittedly) ailing love life. I heard him giggling to himself for a full five minutes, before saying in a tone of barely disguised mirth ‘Sarah, I’ve got a website for you! Just sending it over now’.
Following shortly by www.avemariasingles.com/
Awesome.
Now before you get all judgey judgerson, I’m not criticising dating sites per se. In fact my friend and her boyfriend would make the poster couple for Guardian Soulmates, And I do know it works out for a lot of people, perfectly normal these days, better than meeting in a bar, blah blah blah. However! Two things to take into account:
1. I live in Birmingham. Not exactly Model County.
2. It’s me. AKA Magnet for Weirdos (right Alison?)
Let’s examine my online history. I’m sure that I’ve briefly joined most websites at some stage – most of the time have given up halfway through the forms when I realise I’m only on page 3 of 78… and have rarely got around to adding a photo. I’m not sure my humour communicates well to strangers either. Describing my ideal night in as involving Baywatch Series 1 may sound quirky and retro to someone who knows me, but possibly just a bit weird and sad to someone who doesn’t. (Or does it just sound weird and sad regardless whether or not we’re friends?)
I recall when a friend in Manchester added me to Mysinglefriend.com. Aside from the fact I had to make his criteria more precise (I wasn’t looking for mates between ‘ages 18 and 80’ and ‘male or female’) it was all looking quite promising. Until I received a message from Pete The Postman From Walsall. In his profile picture he was standing in a football stadium, wearing relevant team T shirt, grinning from ear to ear in a slightly special way (can I say that? Well, I am), giving 2 thumbs up. The message went something like this:
“Hi Sarah. How are you. I see that you are a fitness instructor. I do a lot of walking outside in my job as a postman. Perhaps you could make me some lemon drizzle muffins and then we can do some exercise to work them off that you can’t do in a gym.”
We’re married now.
Then there was Fitness Singles.Com, in which I infamously managed to add a photo of my friend Donna to my profile. I didn’t realise until a got message from a Hot Fitness single complimenting me on my smile. I got all excited (not like that) and my friends in the office wanted to see my profile…. So up came my details. With a photo of Donna smiling at the wrap party…
I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Although I suppose I do know of at least one couple who have got married after meeting online. Maybe they didn’t mention genius 80s water-based programmes. Having said that, a friend of mine has recently joined match.com and, having trawled through several online profiles, decided that the two best looking girls were people he already knew. He did add, however, that he’d had so many messages that if he actually replied to them all he’d not have time to do anything else. Some people just can’t catch a break.
I think though, essentially this all comes down to it being Me, rather than dating sites. One of my sister’s favourite stories ever occurred when I was about seventeen, walking down the Hagley Road. There was a rather crazy looking guy walking towards me, clutching a walking stick, shirt unbuttoned to the waist, just exuding a general air of ‘unhinged’. Anyway, he slowed as he reached me and asked how to get to a local street. After I pointed him in the right direction, he said ‘Thank you’ and then turned to crazy off. However, I’d only moved a few yards away when he turned back and shouted at full volume in, in earshot of several passers-by (NSE), ‘I HOPE SOMEBODY ASKS YOU OUT!!’
Not much else to add to that, really.
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