Sex O'Clock

So the latest obstacle I have encountered in New Zealand is pronouncing the word 'six'. Due to the difference in our vowel sounds, I'm apparently saying 'sex'. Just like they pronounce 'pen' as 'pin' and 'eggs' as 'iggs'.... I had a conversation with my friend last week that went something like this:

KIWI: What are you doing tonight?
ME: Nothing. I'm in at six tomorrow.
KIWI: You're having sex tomorrow?!!
ME: Nooooo.....

So now every time we meet she asks me if I've had sex yet that day. It's not unlike the incident which occurred during my first year at uni: everyone in our flat was shouting "we want sex", I misheard and somehow thought they were shouting "Sarah" (clearly, they sound the same), opened the door to say "Yes?" and this minor mishap thus lead to my nickname throughout the proceeding 3 years of university - Sarah Sex. Eventually it got shortened to just 'Sex', which was not a little embarrassing when it was hollered at me as I was stumbling my way into lectures. Wearing my Diesel backpack with the one strap which wrapped around my torso on a diagonal angle. You know the one, with the mobile phone holder on the front strap. Yep, back then I had my finger on the fashion pulse.

But I digress. My point is that I have spent years trying to shake my 'affectionate' nickname of Sarah Sex. It followed me beyond university, because then whenever I went to visit my Uni friends in London they would introduce me to their new Job Friends as Sarah Sex.... Job Friends would then ask curiously where the name derived from, and I would have to explain that it really wasn't anything racy in the slightest - more that I just have hearing problems. It's really quite a dull story when you have to recount it to drunken Londoners, and I was rarely invited to the next party.

I thought I had escaped this particular embarrassment by moving to the other side of the world. But then I hadn't reckoned on Kiwi Vowels. My other nickname in the UK is 'Sperm'. But I think that's quite enough hilarity for one day.

In other news, I am no longer allowed to buy sporting equipment in NZ. Not until I have learned to Love And Utilize The Stuff I Already Have. I think I may have been a bit over-zealous when I first arrived, and in my excitement about my future outdoorsy lifestyle I have purchased a car, surfboard, bicycle and boxing gloves. I use my car every day (LAZY English girl). The bicycle I have used twice so far - making those two rides a rather costly $67.50 each. The boxing gloves are still in their packet in my boot. Ready for Action. And I took the surfboard out for the first time last Sunday - and managed to cut my knee, break a fin, and discover that the wax I bought for it doesn't work on my particular board, thus resulting in my continually sliding off when I tried to stand up. I'm positive that was the reason I couldn't stand up. I can assure you, I will have a brilliant surfing career once I have found the right wax.

My final revelation of the month is this: don't ever believe people when they tell you that a netball game is 'just social'. They are lying. My flatmate texted me last week to help her out with their final netball game of the season. I am trying to be more proactive in getting-out-of-the-gym, so like the little Keen Bean I am I agreed. Then I panicked. I've not played netball since 1997, and even then I was never quite sure of the rules. But she reassured me that it would just be a bit of fun, "nobody takes it seriously". Like the fool I am, I believed her. About 60 seconds into the game I realised that I had been duped, and in fact we were all playing like it was the World Series. It's the girls that are the worst - the Irish blonde I was marking was short, fast, and vicious. It was the longest 30 minutes of my life. (And remember, I was doing tech reviews for a year back home). At least it reminded me why I like group fitness. I like it when we're all on the same side. Fighting to change the world. Challenging Obesity. Making the Planet Fitter. But most importantly, Getting Bigger Biceps.

KIWI 101 Translated to Yam Yam

Chur Bro (Auckland) = Choice Bro = Nice One = Noice One, Bab (Dudley)