Educating Sarah

So I've been in Auckland for eleven days, and already experienced being soaked through to the skin by a torrential rainfall. Twice. In the same day. Now I realise that, in the context of Hurricane Sandy, amid the stories of thousands of desperate New Yorkers who have had the sides of their apartments blown off and are panic buying bottled water (according to the NZ Herald), my plight may seem rather slight. But, seeing as one of the main attractions of moving to New Zealand was the weather, I feel that I am entitled to feeling somewhat cheated. Especially since, as my flatmate informed me cheerfully upon my dripping wet entrance earlier today, 'it rains 5 times more in Auckland than in Birmingham'. Er, I don't recall that Fact Of No Small Importance being mentioned by the Lonely Planet?

On a separate note, please everyone note my ryhming couplet: plight/ slight. I knew that English Literature degree would come good some day. (2:1 Hons. I know).

Since this is looking like an educational entry, I thought I would share with you What I Have Learned Since October 22nd, 2012. Quite a catchy title, you'll agree?

1. Don't leave packing til the afternoon of your flight. You will forget lots of Useful Things. Like the year's supply of contact lenses you ordered 3 months ago, congratulating yourself at the time on your pre-planning. And promptly left on your bedroom floor.

2. If you do leave packing to the eleventh hour, do not then arrange to have your extra stuff shipped 24 hours later from the UK. You will recall mid-flight the 101 things you forgot to sort (contact lenses, silver princess shoes - not the ones with Soap Awards spunk on them FYI - phone charger etc.) It is by that time way too late to call your mother to ask her to add these essential items in, because your extra bag is already en route to NZ. You will feel like crying, and hate everyone who told you to start packing 2 weeks ago. Those self-righteous idiots. Who were right.

3. Taking a 30 hour flight is not unlike running a marathon - at some point, I'd say about 18 hours in (miles), you Hit The Wall. You no longer know who you are, where you're going, nor do you care. You have watched every single episode of Modern Family on the in-flight entertainment, and happily reminisced to the UK top 40 hits from 1999 (Mambo Number 5). Now you just want to kill yourself. And everyone else in the immediate 10m range.

4. Nobody here says G'Day.

5. Even if you say it to them first.

6. Every other person is from the UK. Don't expect to feel special. You're sooooooooo not. In fact, I'd say you're in the majority.

7. The bus drivers are way friendlier here than in Birmingham. Although they do have a somewhat dry sense of humour. One driver told me the other day in a very serious tone of voice, 'Next time you get on the bus with a coffee...' - I prepare to be scolded - 'you bring two: one for the driver'. Can you imagine a bus driver in Nechelles daying that? Do bus drivers even venture into Nechelles?!

8. Remember you're not working at the BBC anymore. It's no longer OK to explain to someone that your favourite expression for the menstrual period is evacuating copious amounts of blood from your c***. (Cue shocked Australian Gym Instructor: "I wasn't expecting the See You Next Tuesday...")

9. Don't use a Westpac ATM when you only have one debit card available to use, It may get swallowed by the machine, and you will find yourself stranded in the bank at 17:41 along with a distraught Russian homestay student and elderly Australian on her way to the opera, arguing with a total jobsworth of a Kiwi employee. True story.

10. There really are are a lot of sheep.

On the plus side nobody believes I'm from Birmingham, due to lack of accent. Yam alright our kid...