Mr Jobsworth

Mr Jobsworth

So it’s unlike me to moan, but so far today has been…. difficult. My eyelashes didn’t curl properly *DISASTER NUMBER ONE* and then when I applied my mascara it came out clumpy so my eyes now look like little spider legs. Not in a cute way you understand - more Bette Davis in ‘Whatever Happened to Baby Jane’. Then I lost my body attack mix CD I need for tonight (somewhere on my floor no doubt – disintegrating under all my sweaty gym gear)…. I’m telling you, those Thalidomide survivors have nothing on me.

JOKE! Calm down, it’s Friday. Although I do have some knowledge of what it’s like to have unusually short levers.

Anyway, I have had a brush this week with the man I like to call Mr Jobsworth. I feel that I have had several encounters with Mr Jobsworth in my working career. He comes disguised in many different forms – not unlike Satan. There was my manager at the country club in New York, James - or as we liked to call him “Beach Club JAMES SPEAKING!!”  - who informed us that ‘if there’s time to lean, there’s time to clean’, and made me line up all the sachets of tomato ketchup in perfect order. That was a worthwhile job – 30 minutes of painstaking precision ruined instantly by some American brat unaware of the British graft that had gone into arranging said ketchup.

And then I had to line them up all over again.

Then there was my café manager in Cairns, who warned me, “don’t be Jewish with the ice” when making drinks. There was the retail manager who insisted we ask everyone about saving 10% off by opening a store card – which resulted in my asking a customer if she would like to make a saving on a £2.70 pair of pants. She stared at me incredulously and then said “So, do I want to save 27 pence?”… The production co-ordinator who made me re-do the unit list about a thousand times until everything was millimetre perfect, and told me that I couldn’t really justify taking a 20 minute break in a twelve hour day. As she pointed out to me, quite reasonably I’m sure you’ll agree, “I’ve never taken a lunch break the entire time I’ve worked in this industry”. Well, you’re the idiot who’s gained about 3 stone by never leaving your desk then aren’t you? Fat Bitch. Not that I’m fattist. Or bitter. Oh who am I kidding? I am Bitter Fattist Extroadinaire.

It’s my mother’s fault.

So the present Mr Jobsworth is the co-ordinator at one of the gyms I teach at, and his beef this week has been the studio microphone. Apparently it went missing after my class on Sunday, resulting in an antagonistic phone call to me on Monday that went something like this “Hi Sarah, so I’m looking for the head mic…” I explained that I had left it for the next instructor to use – as I have been doing for the last 2 years. “Riiiiiiiight….. well…… guess we better hope it turns up……” Or you’ll shoot me? I then had a phone call informing me there was to be a FULL staff meeting, attendance is COMPULSORY, concerning new procedure regarding the head mic. Apparently I (a) must ensure I only take one mic up to the studio (despite the fact that, inevitably, the microphone I choose will be the one that doesn’t work) (b) If I’m passing it to the next instructor I MUST PHYSICALLY PUT IT IN THEIR HAND and (c) if it does go missing, I will be teaching classes for free to cover the £400 cost of said microphone. This might have all carried a bit more weight had it not been for the fact that the co-ordinator frequently leaves the door to the reception ajar – thus allowing anyone who wanted to steal a microphone (why?) to easily reach in and take it.

In fact the door was ajar even as he was delivering these procedural guidelines to me.

Overheard at the BBC

“I need a break. I’ve been working flat out for twenty minutes”.

That is all. Enjoy your 4 day weekend. We at the beeb are still working. Nope, not even the Queen’s Jubilee can halt the unstoppable juggernaut that is award winning (not this year though) daytime TV. As my friend used to tell me when I was near suicidal working in Manchester “remember – you work on the Nation’s Best Loved Soap”.

Yay!