Let's be honest, there's not much to recommend the UK winter. When I told people in New Zealand I was coming back for a month there was much chorus of, "aw, at least you'll have a white Christmas". Er, really? I know that you all think we spend the months of December and January in some kind of magical winter wonderland, where children sled (yes, I claim my American heritage) and people roast chestnuts over an open fire, but the truth is sadly a lot less idealistic. Less red-breasted robins perched atop snow-topped branches, more massive queues in Tesco and Iceland adverts for Easy Carve Three Bird Roast (why? Just.... why?)
However, all is not lost, I had forgotten about the brilliance of British television and, of course, the fabulous British journalism. And when I say television, I am, of course, referring to "I'm a Celebrity... get me out of here!" Or, as the Chink and I renamed it, "How desperate am I to be famous again?" You can keep your Downton and your BBC 'Original British Drama', what I really want to see on screen is Alfonso from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air teaching Kian from Westlife how to do 'Carlton dance' (after initially sulking for several days and refusing to perform it), and arguing with Joey Essex from TOWIE about who is the most famous ("are we talking about the UK or worldwide? Because I am DEFINITELY more famous in Turkey"). I tell you, this is British broadcasting at its finest. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was not a little heavy of heart when it all ended last Sunday.
But perhaps that's the Bombay Sapphire talking.
The good news is that, whilst there may now be a telly void in my life, The Times has served to be a rather unlikely source of entertainment. They reported today that The Ministry of Justice has removed the offence of "being an incorrigible rogue" from the statute book. The article finished, " in case, however, one gets the idea that Britain is becoming a more accommodating country for rogues, especially of the incorrigible type, there have been 327 new offences created in the 12 months up to May - a 12 per cent increase on the previous year". Is it just me, or does 327 new offences created IN ONE YEAR sound like kind of a lot? I had no idea that there were so many new crimes one could commit in 2013. Ooh it's enough to make me want to enlist the services of a solicitor. You know, just in case.
But my favourite news story of the week - aside from the fact that John Terry buys his wrapping paper from Poundland - has to be from the trial into phone hacking, which has revealed that the Queen was incensed when royal protection officers "scoffed" her bowls of snacks. An email from the News of the World revealed, "The Queen is furious about police stealing bowls of nuts and nibbles left out for her in the BP Queen's corridor. She has a very savoury tooth and staff leave out cashews, Bombay mix, almonds, etc. Prob is that police on patrol eat the lot. Queen is so narked she started marking the bowls to see when the levels dipped". Don't you just love the image of HRH Queen Elizabeth II surreptitiously marking her Bombay mix with a black Sharpie? Austerity drive indeed. It all starts in the home....
I'm not sure it's appropriate to blog about a funeral, but since Barack Obama deemed it appropriate to take a selfie this week, I will include one 'take-away' from Wednesday. The celebrant did have a very soothing voice, despite stumbling over my sister's choice of "empathetic" which looked in danger of becoming "emphatic". Afterwards a friend was heard to remark, "didn't she have a lovely reading voice? I couldn't wait to hear the next story!" Well. Quite.
Overheard at Allpress
CHEERLEADER: Ooh when you go home you can stock up at all those cheap stores like Primark and H&M.
ME: I know, but I always feel really guilty, you know, child labour and those sweat shops in India.
CHEERLEADER: Yeah I know what you mean, but I watched a documentary and actually all the children looked really happy. I think they might really enjoy learning those skills.
ME: Ummmm.....
