My sister is the most honest person I know. We were chatting on skype 2 days ago and she asked me how life is going in New Zealand. After I had chatted for a few minutes there was a massive silence. "So, apart from the gym, what else have you got going on in life?" Another silence. "Right, you need to start doing other things".
"Am I really boring?"
"No.... Not REALLY boring. " (PAUSE) "Yet".
Oh god, it's official, I have become a Gym Bore. I have met these people (now, My People) countless times before. At workshops, at training sessions, at team teaches. Yes I like body attack, but I'm not particularly interested in how many classes you teach a week or how difficult the 64 tuck jumps are in the new release. I'd rather hear about your weekend, or how you met your husband. The problem (I've surmised) is that, when it's your job to promote the gym and group fitness classes, it all starts to merge into one. Even when I'm in a social situation with absolutely no intention to discuss exercise, someone will ask what I do, I'll explain that I work at the gym and the conversation will inevitably run to: "Oh I joined the gym, but I've not been in 2 months...." I then feel obliged to ask "why haven't you been going?" and suddenly I'm right back at work, on the gym floor, trying to motivate someone to take more exercise. It happens all the time - with my hairdresser (whom I persuaded to come in and try body pump), with the man in the Dairy (that's cornershop to us Brits), with the man on the phone selling me car insurance.... I might make up a different job, that will invite no further conversation whatsoever.
IT Recruitment springs to mind.
So, with the fear of my conversational topics becoming limited fast, my sister has persuaded me to sign up to 'Meetup.Com'. And no, this isn't a dating site. At least, it's not JUST a dating site. Apparently, they have meet-ups for everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING. If I'm so inclined, I can join Vampyre Community Auckland. They have 5 members. And have had one meet-up since they were founded in October:
"This is an Auckland community for all real vampyres and those interested in real vampyres. The purpose is to build a real vampyre community as has already been done around the globe. Meet with fellow kindred and all who are interested, gain support/ aid of vampyre community for those newly awakened and any who feel the need.
The only rule here is behaviour intended to cause harm is totally unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Aside from that, welcome, come hither in darkness!"
I kind of want to join just so that I'll have a great story... I'm thinking Keanu Reeves in Dracula was quite hot (despite the 'British' accent). Although in fact I suspect that the reality will be 5 people who have watched Twilight one too many times, and are trying to escape from their alter ego in IT Recruitment. I'm also not a little concerned re: how many members there were originally before their last meet up.
And what have I got against IT Recuitment? (= Boring Squared).
Speaking of hot vampires, I spent Valentine's Day at the gym feeling very sorry for myself as one member after the next asked me what I was doing and if I had received any Valentines. DOES THIS FACE LOOK LIKE IT'S BEEN GIVEN ANY VALENTINES? EVEN ONE? DOES IT?! I was bemoaning my plight to my friend who was rather less than sympathetic: "Sarah, you've only been in New Zealand 3 months, you shouldn't have a boyfriend yet. You're not a slut, so you keep it shut". When I pointed out that nobody even asks me out here, he replied, "Well, you give off an air of being unavailable. Plus you work in fitness so everybody assumes you're a lesbian". So the upshot is.... I'm an unavailable, non-slutty lesbian.
Is that worse or better than being A Virgin Who Can't Drive?
So you'll be pleased to hear that, having reached the eminent age of 32, I still think that smoking is the best way to fit in with the cool kids. I went out on my first proper night out in Auckland last weekend, and discovered that going out with Kiwi's is not unlike hanging out with Irish Americans. I always end up feeling like the extra who thought the shoot was Pride and Prejudice, when in fact I've ended up in Jersey Shore. And I can never keep up with the alcohol consumption (Lesson #1, Boston, 2012). But, apparently, I will bend to peer pressure and attempt to smoke in an effort to fit in. Never mind the fact that my efforts are more Sandra Dee than James Dean.
Cause (let's be honest here), smoking is cool, and I'm just jealous cause I can't inhale properly.
Generally I've found Kiwi's to be somewhat less than sympathetic. And very honest. I'm still adjusting. We're all so polite and we love a good moan in the UK don't we? I met a British lady from Golders Green who's out here visiting her daughter. The conversation went like this"
ME: Hi, did you have a nice weekend?
JEWISH MOTHER: No, not particularly.
ME: Oh, why not?
JEWISH MOTHER: I don't to be here, I hate this country. I want to go back to London. There's nothing here.
Riiiigght.... She then told me how her son-in-law is Kiwi and doesn't get her at all - "I'm a Jewish Mother. He thinks I'm an alien". It's weird when you meet people like that and can understand where they're coming from. She was thoroughly miserable until I told her that I used to work on Coronation Street - which perked her up no end, "now you're talking the business" - and now I'm her favourite gym instructor.
I knew one day that job would come in useful.
Overheard at the Gym
ME: I'm never doing cross fit again. I've not been able to walk for 4 days.
INSTRUCTOR: Go to the kitchen and pour yourself a big glass of concrete, cause you need to harden the f$%# up!
And that's sympathetic New Zealand.
